nobody knows.

• Aug. 4th, 2009 at 2:42 PM

get up.
get out.

nobody knows when they will wake up.

scariest.
no warning.

getting to know yourself means getting to know your faults.

my work

• Aug. 4th, 2009 at 3:23 PM

will be continued by those who suffer.

c.g. jung
the wisdom of the dream

i wish i could see the field below.

• Aug. 4th, 2009 at 4:01 PM

chills.
tears.
a tingle.
misconceptions.
softness of the shell.
cracked in anxiety.
energy carrying without.
floating through.
up and around.
glorious.
all that comes to mind.
tingle.
tingle.
tingle.

dear time,

be my friend.

helter skelter

• Aug. 4th, 2009 at 4:05 PM

patchouli and miss matched socks.
embracing.
all that comes this way.
combined.
breathe out love.
three and already.

worth watching, in my humble opinion.

.noisuled

julian wolkenstein

"insanity is relative. it depends on who has who locked in what cage." - ray bradbury

i will love you with all the madness in my soul.

Jul. 28th, 2009 at 2:56 AM

...my heroes have mostly been wanderers, suffered a mental breakdown or eventually ended their lives...

is there a reason why the greatest of minds were so unhappy....

andrea dezsco

all i know is all i know.

• May. 22nd, 2009 at 7:16 PM

i get so anxiously excited when i start to write. it is one of the few things that helps me feel nonexistent. i stop thinking. i just be. being is good.

life is terribly hard right now. but it's okay. at least that is what i am telling myself.

i'm letting go of concepts. preconceptions.

i read something a little ways back..."no one worth knowing is out past midnight"...."this world was a fucked up mess long before we arrived"....hhmmm...?

other people help me put my thoughts/feelings into words. i'm not so good with the words. but i need the writing.

i've always found these so egotistical, but yet so am i. but you know when you are going through so much it feels like your mind is going to explode if you don't get your jumbled thoughts out somehow? this is my somehow. well that and anything i can get my hands on. i just need to organize my writing....piles of loose papers will have to do for now!

okay well work is slow and my mind is turning, so i'll write more when i feel like i have something worth writing....worthlessness is my way these days.

i honestly feel like a newborn.

• May. 23rd, 2009 at 2:15 PM

"you are my daughter and will come through this better for having lived this. i am certain of this."

so much has happened lately...
i feel outside of my skin...
constantly.
rarely.
back and forth.
emotional.
all the time.

but this conversation gave me peace of mind. hope.

things happen for a reason (. or ?) not sure....at least in this situation i hope so. (since that would make things better after all the shitastic life events lately.) but since better is a concept and all concepts are based on the illusions of this world that i/we have been programmed to expect, that leaves nothing but disappointment, falsehood. what is better?

i'll feel better once i get more sleep, once i buy those shoes i've had my eye on....i want to feel better regardless of any outside influences. i want to be able to feel okay with myself just because i am myself.

but im stuck.

how can i feel better with myself when i dont know what myself is? or anything for that matter?

when nothing makes sense nothing is trustworthy. worthy.

i hate that i feel this way. im scared it makes me egotistic. im so scared to be that. but from this fear ive taken the extreme.
hardly sticking up for myself.
hardly doing what i need.

i dont want to be "too good" for things. i dont want to be so serious all the time. i dont want to think about me and my problems.

i want to be able to care about things that dont matter. i want to carry on a conversation with people. i want to feel light and happy.

this could all be temporary. right? everything is afterall. i think it is fair to say that when someone is going through something traumatic nothing else seems worth worrying about.....

but im taking steps to be better. hooray.

sundays are love days.

• Jun. 7th, 2009 at 11:33 PM

just smiles. and lists of favorites.

bumblebees.
smell of old books.
being appreciative.
sheep.
falling asleep reading.
feeling alive.
sound of typewriters.
being endlessly annoyed by others and yet being an other.
tea cups.
little brown birdies.
optimistically planning a life although it can end tomorrow.
dinosaur fossils.
excited wave of the pizza guy on the corner of my street.
peaches.
religious practices. ridiculous all the same.
sea glass.
thrift stores as well as yard sales.
being comforted by perfectly worded sentences.
red and turquoise.
my suitcase record player and the fact that i've had it long before urban fuckfitters. (there is a birdie salt and pepper shaker set i adore!)


i feel oddly at ease with my life and it's belongings. realizations of useless worries. unfortunate misunderstandings. unnecessarily being at odds.

hopeful.

everything will be better. with time.

friends perhaps.